I  was in college when I popped the question to my father.

“So Dad, what do you think of  my girlfriend?” I asked

I’ll never forget his response.

“Why are you asking me? If you decide to marry her, you’re the one who’s going to have to sleep with her the rest of your life,” he said.

Then he said something about playing the field and “not buying the first pair of shoes I tried on.”  He also gave me a fatherly warning about making sure I was using proper birth control. That was it.

Today, as a father of two, grown children (Alex, 22, Katie, 25) I find myself occasionally hit up for my opinions on boyfriends or girlfriends.

What are you as father supposed to say? I’m no expert. I just want  to see my kids happy and secure in their relationships.

My advice to them has been to look for someone who’s good-natured, confident and emotionally well-adjusted.  I’ve told them to find someone who respects them and who makes them feel good about themselves — someone who helps them grow in positive ways, and is fun to be with.

I’ve also told them to avoid anyone who’s verbally or physically abusive, who’s on drugs or who is overly controlling and manipulative.

Sure, there’s an underlying understanding that if marriage results, I’d prefer a relationship that will be fiscally sound and self-supporting. Hopefully, they won’t up living in our basement.  But if they do, there’s worse things.

My buddy, Tom, a doctor, says he has lectured all three on his kids on the importance of selecting the right person for marriage, using the following criteria:

1). Find someone of near, or equal intelligence. Otherwise, it won’t be a fair fight when you get into an argument.

2). Find someone who you are REALLY sexually attracted to, and passionate about. That passion will have to last through your marriage. And if you’re having problems in this area before you tie the knot – don’t even bother tying the knot.

3). Money isn’t everything.  But between the two of you, you should be able to afford a roof over your head, food in the refrigerator and health insurance.

4). Finally, find someone who’s close to your morally, and who shares your philosophy of life.

Not everyone has such advice. My brother-in-law, Mike, once told me he gave up long ago trying to advise his three grown daughters on relationships, having seen so many boyfriends come and go.

Besides, what if you trash a boyfriend or girlfriend, and then he or she steps out the picture, only to return at a later date?  If you call your son’s girlfriend a low-life tramp, or your daughter’s boyfriend a loser, that will always be in your child’s mind.

I guess maybe the best bet is to keep my opinions to myself in the early going to see how things pan out. Ultimately, of course, the decision rests with my kids.

Because like Dad said, they’re the ones who will be sleeping with their choices for the rest of their lives – not me.