Men tend to paint themselves into a corner when it comes to dedicating time for themselves and their buddies.
They hurt themselves by failing to take the time to decompress, clear their head, and rejuvenate.
I was doing that for several years, particularly when I was working a high-stress, city editor job at a newspaper in Upstate New York. I put in long hours, dedicating what was left entirely to my family and my two children’s school and sports activities.
At one point, I came down with a bleeding ulcer. In addition to the medication, the doctor told me, “You need to make some changes to your life-style — right now.” I had just turned 40.
It was my brother-in-law, Mike, who offered me some help.
“Why don’t you come on the annual fishing trip I take each year with my friends?” he asked.
I was adamant. No time. Don’t have the money.
Mike countered: “I keep it inexpensive. You won’t spend much more than $125 for four days. We have more than 20 guys going and we share costs.”
I was stubborn. I can’t do it. End of discussion.
My wife was incredulous. She knew how much I loved fishing, and she saw how I was bouncing off the walls from all of the work stress. It was driving her crazy. Behind my back, she sent Mike the $100 deposit for the trip.
That was more than 15 years ago. With the exception of a couple of years when I relapsed into the “work-a-holic/martyr” frame of mind, I’ve made just about every trip.
I look forward to the fishing trip. At times, I wish it would come sooner. And I never regret going. This past trip I landed a huge, 35 ½ inch northern pike. A personal best.
Wayne Walts, owner of a local fly fishing shop in Syracuse, has leads fly fishing trips to Montana and the Bahamas. He told me once that I’d be surprised how many men come into his shop with gift certificates from their wives and girlfriends.
Wayne told me that so many guys are into the mindset that everyone else has to be taken care of first – and not until then does anything “go to Dad.” The problem is that if you convince yourself there’s never anything left, you’ll never do anything for yourself.
Some guys (myself, formerly, included), just need a good slap on the side of the head when it comes to this.
If a doctor pulled you aside and said, “Look, you need to start exercising and taking this medication, or you’ll be dead in six months,” what would be your answer?
Planning a getaway with the guys works for me – and summer is the perfect time for this. It’s just what the doctor ordered. I like to completely disconnect myself from my computer and cell phone, disconnecting and flushing out all of the crap in my head.
So how do you make this happen? It starts by deciding on an activity and scheduling it. That means writing it down on your day planner and on your family calendar on the fridge.
Cost too much? Be realistic. Don’t break the bank or your family budget. I found the best way to pay for such things is to start a separate checking account and arrange for a small, direct deposit to be put in each week. You won’t miss it.
Be creative. I personally endorse the restorative powers of the outdoors and lean toward fishing or hunting, and hiking and camping trips. That’s me. Do something that you enjoy and that would do you some good.
I know married guys who get together each year and take week-long cycling trips, go on golfing get-aways, and travel to the Big East basketball tournament in New York City. Some even even go surfing together in Costa Rica.
Can’t afford it? Not even once a year? My response is you can’t afford not to.
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